Guys,

I really need your help.

All I want to do is to go to Nepal and do some volunteer work. If anyone can help make some arrangements, I would feel grateful. I just want to serve my country.

I want to get your advice about the different ways I can do this.

From the outside when people look at my situation, my parents are very wealthy. My parents have a lot of property around Kathmandu. So people assume that I must feel like a prince. But I feel like a beggar. My parents will not do anything to help me to serve Nepal.

My parents take every opportunity to emotionally blackmail me. They are satisfied when I feel guilty in one way or another. Then they feel like they have done their job. When they blame other people and make me feel guilty, they feel satisfied.

I want to go to Nepal and do something to serve Nepal. But when I tell my parents that I want to do that, they don't help me at all. My parents threw me in America and locked the keys. And now when I tell my father that I want to come and do some work in Nepal, all my father says is, "What is wrong with your job in America? You have a good job there."

It really hurts me a lot. For the last 20 years my parents have never understood my need to come to Nepal.

I told my father, "If when you are still living, you cannot help me to come to Nepal, what, am I supposed to come to Nepal when you are dead?"

My father doesn't understand any of this. This makes me feel very angry.

My parents brought me to America when I was a young teenager.

All my mother does is politics. She just tries to emotionally black mail me any chance she gets.

My parents don't do anything to maintain a relationship with me. And they simply blame all of their relatives because my parents and I don't have a relationship. They blame everyone else for their problems and don't take responsibility for anything.

All I want to do is to go to Nepal and do some volunteer work. If anyone can help make some arrangements, I would feel grateful. I just want to serve my country.

 nayajivan, that's very admirable of you to plan on going back to Nepal. let's keep the family issues aside, because I can't help with that and I don't want to infringe into your family related matters.
You said you want to go home and serve. But could you be more specific? 
- are you thinking short term (a few months) or long term (a year or more)?
- are you thinking about working in/near the valley or in remote areas?
- do you want to be involved with organizations or serve through your job?
- any specific plans/interests you have in your mind?

i wish every Nepali who comes to US or any other county to gain education or training were like you. on one hand there are people like you who seriously want to go back and work for Nepal despite their families' unhelpfulness and on the other hand there are people who turn their ears deaf to the cries of their families and stay here illegally or through asylum.

A google search led me to this site with some interesting volunteer programs:

Teach English to Buddhist monks: http://www.volunteeraidnepal.org/monastery/

Teach computer skills to children: http://www.volunteeraidnepal.org/programs/volunteer-projects/computer-education/

There are a bunch of other volunteer programs listed on the left side of the page that might appeal to you.

I hadn't heard of the organization prior to this search nor do I know much about the founders, other than  what is mentioned on the site but if you are planning on travelling  to Nepal and spending some time there, you may not have much to lose in giving them a try.

Good luck!

Jantarei,

We are all in different stages of our life and realizations. I was not always in the mood that I am currently in. So I am not saying that everyone should feel the way I should feel. But I do feel that there should be some facility and opportunity for people who feel the way I do to be able to express our service in a positive way that benefits Nepal.

Honestly, I know exactly the kind of things I want to do for Nepal. I just need a room, running water, some regular meals. I am willing to pay for all of this. Specifically I am interested in improving the Healthcare system in Nepal. I have been reading about the different conversations about healthcare in Nepal, including your words. I would like to do something in that field. Currently I work in Health Information Technology in the United States.

I would like to do an indepth study of the Health System in Nepal. And then I would like to work with other South Asian countries in formulating a comprehensive plan in addressing the Health Care System in the South Asian region. I don't need position or power or anything. I want to study the problem and communicate with other people working in those countries in being able to come up with a 'South Asian solution' to the South Asian Healthcare problem.

I am not saying that I will come up with the solution. But at least I want to work on the problem.

Also,  am not saying my family situation for any other reason than sheer frustration. Honestly, if I was not in my situation, I would not even believe that it was possible. To feel frustration from wanting to serve your country just because parents who have the resources to help you...won't. To me it is unbelievable. My father was a big shot in the Nepali government at one point. It is  no wonder that with people like him in charge of the government why Nepal's government went down the drain. I don't feel any pride in putting my father down.
Again it is my frustration, anger and my long ugly history with my parents that is speaking.

But I need some sort of support system to be able to do something for Nepal. Otherwise the frustration that I am experiencing in not being able to do something for Nepal from America, I know I will feel it there once I land in Kathmandu airport. Good intentions is not enough. I know this. But I don't know where to turn to for resources.

The thing is that I don't have a support system in Nepal. I have been living in America for the last 20 years since I was a young teenager. So I don't know a large network of people. I can't really turn to relatives outside of my parents because then my parents ugly politics will demonize any of my relatives that will try to help me. That is how they work. They don't know how to create positive relationships themself. And when they see that other people are having a positive relationship with me, they become jealous, envious and insecure and do what they can to destroy my relationship with these people.

In Nepal, generally the people you know, the social network, is your support system. Well my "support system" back home, my immediate family, is very corrupt and dysfunctional. There is a lot of nasty family politics and ugliness. And I know that if I go back depending on this support system that I won't get much work for Nepal done. There are family members there who feel that their job is accomplished when they can sap your energy and embroil you in the family politics.

So this is my situation. I even told my father, "Why don't you just give me the food that you give the family dog and the little bit of place to sleep in the corner of your mansion like you give the dog. That is all I want. And then I can do what I want to do for Nepal."

And my father does not understand these words. He feels my job is to just keep earning money in America so that he can show off to everyone in Nepal about "his son living happily in America." Well I am so unhappy living in America and my father does not care. As long as he can show-off to his friends and family in Kathmandu that I am happy, it doesn't matter to him that I am actually miserable.

My mother's happiness comes from draining the blood from my body. When she can emotionally blackmail me she is happy. She'is in her element when she can torture her children.

I am not telling you all of this so that you feel sorry for me. Attracting pity for my situation will not help Nepal.

My father has earned so much money from Nepal. But he cannot support his one son who wants to serve Nepal. To me this is unbelievable.

Honestly, I know exactly the kind of things I want to do for Nepal. I just need a room, running water, some regular meals. I am willing to pay for all of this. Specifically I am interested in the Healthcare system in Nepal.

20 years in the US and you still feel empty in your soul. Man now I am starting to believe what my inner soul has always been telling me.That I can never be happy in this far away land, Kudos to your thoughts but these family matters are tricky are not they? Here I would like to dedicate this video to you. Might some what resemble your situation as well.

Honestly, I feel like an airplane that is circling around Tribhuvan International airport, begging for permission to land so that I can bring my passengers to safety. And as much as I indicate to air traffic control about how low my fuel is, it is like air traffic control does not acknowledge my need to land.

I try to scream and beg and tell airtraffic control that it is long past the time that my airplane needed to land. I am already running so low on fuel. And air traffic control is in their own world. They are busy doing airport politics. They are slowly drinking their masala tea. They are busy talking about how much ghoos they have earned by making deals with the bhansar guys. They are busy gossipping and don't at all acknowledge how much distress the pilot of the airplane is, in trying to deliver his passengers safely on the ground.

"Pakhnus na pakhnus. Testo hataro ke bhako chha bhaneko?" they ask me no matter how much I try to explain the emergency.

That is how I feel in dealing with my parents. I am begging to land in Tribhuvan international airport. And air traffic control is not giving me permission to land. Meanwhile I cannot land in any damned place because that could comprimise the safety of my passengers and ruin the airplane. I am trying to avoid unnecessarily crash landing and killing both passengers and ruining the airplane. 

Now, since I cannot just keep watching the fuel indicator go lower and lower, out of sheer desperation, I am calling other airports in the area so that they will give me permission to land in their airports. I am simply trying to prevent crashing and killing my cargo. And no matter how much I beg and plead my case to the Airtraffic control in Tribhuvan International, their agenda is else where and they continue to ignore my distress signal.

It is soooo frustrating. It makes me so angry. And yet, it is these same bastards permission that I need to be able to land my cargo.

What to do? I feel so conflicted.

Now finally out of sheer frustration and anger at "air traffic control" I have come to sajha and am shouting "May day, may day, are there any airports in the area that will help me? I need to save my passengers. Please I beg you. Please don't let my airplane crash."

@JunkynFunky,

I enjoyed watching your video. Does Nepal have a BareFoot College that the video mentioned?
http://www.barefootcollege.org/sol_applications.asp

If parents are emotionally blackmailing you and not being supportive why don't you threaten them that you will bhandafor them in public if they don't allow you to land, knowing that your life and the life of your passengers are in danger.

(1) I am sure the other airports in the area might allow  temporary passage;) Worth a shot. Check the nearest grandparents airport, if applicable - grandkids in distress melt the hearts of even the most heartless air-traffic controllers at such airports :) Grand uncles and aunts, if applicable, might be able to provide temporary passage too.

(2) The other option might be to frame this to your parents as a temporary and exploratory visit  to figure out if you can live in Nepal. Presenting them with  a rough time-frame (3-4 months) might make them more amenable.

(3) Or if you want to get really Machiavellian,  you could say you are visiting to research a thesis (or theory or whatever) and need a place to stay while you do your work. The idea that you will be productive while you are there might make them to look at things more favorably  - I speak from personal experience on that one. :)

Good luck!

Vivant,

You live in a naive and idealistic reality. Please don't compare your ideal family with mine. I am guessing your family must be ideal because your prescription does not match the severity of the diagnosis of my family situation.

You know nothing of what my family is like. Four years ago when I went to visit Nepal, I wanted to go to live with my grandparents, sick and tired of the politics in my parents house. Well guess what my parents did? My mother and my father put active pressure on my grandmother to make her tell me, "No you cannot stay in my house. You have to stay in your father's house."

Why did my father do this? Because my mother pressured him to. She told my father, "What will happen to your image and your reputation in society if your son and our buhari go and live in your mother's house? Don't we have respect in this society?"

And in this way, my grandmother, despite her heart ripping, told me that I couldn't stay there in her house. So guess what I did? I had to stay in a cheap hotel in Boudhha just to make my point to my parents that I wasn't going to be bullied by them the way they bully, manipulate and emotionally blackmail everyone else in the family.

Finally, when they realized that they couldn't have their way, and my grandmother was begging to be able to invite me to live to her house, finally, under that kind of pressure, when my father realized that I wasn't going to live in his house, he finally agreed to let me live in his mother's house. My mother and father are still very very bitter that I refused to live in their mansion that the rest of Kathmandu is in complete awe of. My father still brings it up with a lot of bitterness in his voice that his mansion, that the rest of Kathmandu worships as the temple of luxury, was not good enough for me.

NayaJivan

No offense was intented - hope none was taken. I am truly sorry to hear about the experience you just mentioned -  the gravity of the situation was not apparent to me earlier. I hope you will be able to find the answers you are looking for.

I wish you the very best.

V

I think your parents DID the right thing. All you know is the blaming game.

You've been living in Amerika for 20 years. I think you're over 30. Hmm! 30 year old man and you've not learn nothing on Land of Freedom and Land of plenty of oppourtunies... And you're crying on Sajha.

Being a mature man like you, u need to be BOLD, HAVE SELF CONFIDENCE and should know what you want from your life by RIGHT NOW.

And at this age, you expects something from your parents  when you go back home.  All you see is our Father's Wealth.

Have you  ever thought about creating your own Wealth?

Well, You NEED TO HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOURELF FIRST TO GIVE OTHERS...And if you can't do it in Amerika, what makes you think you can do in Nepal...

What do you have..just promising words like Mr. "O"

Wayat man!!!

Thank you for your vote of confidence Sexi in Sari. Umm...I have a house, car, and all the kinds of furniture and goodies that prove me a material success. But I don't think that helps Nepal any does it?

But I'm sure you're trying to be encouraging in your own way. So I appreciate that.

naya jivan, your emotions or rebellion does not work here. You should have known it better having raised in US and living here for more than 20 years. You will just be a part of a problem for your parents and society. If you are really thinking of making some changes in your life or the society you care, you need to get along with them, use them and then later lead everyone towards your goal. So, I would suggest you to throw this emotions about helping a society or being a rebellion to your parents, but just get along with them, use their links and power to know the society, cluture, politics, just put yourself in a place where people feel your power, and they want to hear you. Otherwise, just ranting about 'I want to help, I want to give to society' does not do any help.

Having grown up in US, you only have been in touch with your parents, have known the way they think is not what you like, and have only seen that your parents are greedy, irresponsible, corrput and they do not fit into your definition of a good citizen. But believe me, when you know more about Nepalese society, you will find most people share the same idea and views like your parents. We all are no different. So, if you have a strong determination that you want to bring some changes to the society, then get along with your parents, make frequent visits to Nepal, build trust with your parents, relatives, politicians through them, be a part of society first. But stay in your determination. All you have to know is you have some goal, and whatever you are doing is for a reason to bring a change that you have been dreaming for a long. With just emotions and revolts against your parents and people you will just be crushed.

 For the volunteering, there're many organizations. You should be able to see many if you google.

I admire for your motivation to walk to the path that your heart speaks. After watching the above video I believe once you start doing what you truly believe and start succeeding in it, they will eventually understand and be proud of what a true gem you are.

For now, I'd strongly recommend you to convince your parents to watch the movie 'Into the wild' together with you.

@Khairey,

I really appreciated your mature reply. And honestly, if you can help me in this regards, I would really appreciate it. Perhaps, as you have said, I don't understand my parents. But I would like to understand where they are coming from. You said that there are many Nepali parents who come from a place that they do. I would like to understand where these parents are coming from. Please.

I would like to get along with my parents. But right now the conversation is like I am talking from Mars and they are talking from Neptune. We almost speak two different languages.

@Khairey,
You are quite knowledgeable and mature, so I am looking forward to receiving your wisdom.

Do your parents engage in an active campaign to end your relationship with all of your relatives? Are your parents envious of your relationship with your relatives to the point that they will stop and no end to end your relationship with them and friends of the family?

Are your relatives afraid to have a relationship with you...just because they are afraid of the wrath of your parents? My parents have the message clear to any one who has a relationship and gives moral support or affction to their children, that if anyone were to do this, they go on my parent's 'death list.' And then my parents start a negative campaign against these people. They bad mouth these people where ever they go saying anything and everything about them.

So most people don't need this kind of negativity in their life. And to just avoid this kind of negativity, they avoid having a relationship with us, the children of our parents.

If you want to understand how my parents do it, you have to watch this movie: American History X.

There is one particular scene where Edward Norton's mother has a crush on this guy that she invites to dinner. And Edward Norton basically humiliates this guy just so he will not have a relationship with his mother. This is what my parents do to anyone I have a close relationship with. My parents make it their personal agenda to humiliate and put this person down untill they make it very expensive for this person to have a relationship with me. What is the solution to this kind of behavior? Do all Nepali parents act like this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFbUIei5s1Q&feature=related

Nepcha, is this the movie you are talking about?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32Js2Ef5Ojg

 you got it.

naya jivan, if you are looking towards me for a solution/suggestion, then I am not a guy who could show you right or easy path. All I was doing here is spilling everything about how I feel when I read your post. 
All I could say is, this is something you face and solve yourself. Understanding people or society is not an easy task. Thats why we have sociology, anthropology,psychology where people have written several books since thousands of years trying to understand other people, society and in most cases trying to understand themselves. But, it seems like you are looking for steps or procedure to know how to solve the social issues, in this case understanding your parents or selling your values to your parents.You think they are wrong because you have been raised on different values than your parents were and some to that you have a generation gap with your parents. If people had solution to all the hurdles they are having in their life, then you would not have seen this situation now. Someone could have already done what you had dreamt for and you could have been already living in an ideal society.

I do not have any wisdom to share. Sometime I am just like you shouting here in sajha for small problems, whining about different things,  and sometimes like others with full of wisdom and wise suggestions like I am the only enlightment for everyone else. No one is different here. Everyone share same values. It is just some people are less insane than others and create less troubles.