The currupted side of my mind ( and guys we all have that side ) was just wondering, when ppl have arrange marriages if they'd acutally make love in the first night. It would be weird wouldn't it, making love to someone who you barely know.

Yes. let it come...but no propaganda please. sajha has enough of it already.

Mr Lonely,
u're asking why marrriage is needed?
we're human beings.we can't just sleep with whoever we want and be like that the whole life.we're humans Mit Jyu(our name being similar),not dogs rey kya.
marriage is a societal bond that approves one's living with another.

i always thought marriage as a sexual union more than living wiht one another, but i guess that passes too. when an unmarried girl becomes preganant, that is the like the end of the world, the family panicks, curses the girl et. al. but when a married girl becomes pregnant, it is a cause for celebration. soceity cannot allow human beings going around having sex with everyone. so they establihsed marraige as a way for two people to have sex and perpetuate their generation.just living wiht one another, well a son/daughter can live with thier siblings, parents and providde company to another for life, provide all kinds of solace and help? tara why does not the system work this way? why should a person marry at all? again, sexual union completes the picture. again, my opinion.

Lonely gurl (mitini mohodayaa) ;)
So you believe that marriage is a social sureshot stamp that allows one to live with another, right? If it is just for sex, then how do you justify one to stay with just one person for the rest of his/her life? Sex is as important as food for living. If you can live eating outside, you don't need to cook at home. So no tension, no nothing. See what I am saying?

:) Lonely

If marriage is not for sex (or not for sex only), then why do you need another person to come to the emotional trauma you have already?

Sex is overhyped in US and totally unhyped in Nepal

Sex is as important as food re...says who.

After you cross 55, you'll have no energy to have sex , atleast not 3 times a day. But you'll always have that hunger to eat food, atleast 3 times a day...so now you do the math.

Tyo ni after 65, forget even about 1 times, but now you need more food to support your own weak fragile body.

u can't compare a human being with food Mit Jyu.

Thanx Mansion.well said.
Mit Jyu
why do you tak marriage as emotional trauma?
your partner will bve there for you whenever you're down.you'll have someone to share your joy with.
that sounds more like a way of relieving emotional trauma to me Mit Jyu.

I am not comparing human being with food dear, that was just a statement to counter that argument that marriage is just an option to legalise SEX.

If you don't believe marriage is just for sex, then why do you need another person to come and get invloved in the emotional trauma that you have already. The great advantage of being single is that you dont have to spend your emotion for no rhyme or reason. you are always free like a bird, can fly anywhere, anytime you like.

i think you're right.coz that's how i'm right now.
single and happy.hehe

A Dream is always good as long as it's Dreamt. Once your alram clock goes..tring..tring..tring...and you wake up, then thats the reality, and then you realize that sweet dream was just an illusion.

Well if you see society as a supreme authority you will definately want to have a stamp of marriage however if you dont regard society as as some supreme authority there is no need for a stamp of approval. Society is just a groups of people made of people just like you and I.

For me, I'll make my marriage as a 'briefing session' rather than a 'stamp of approval'. And in a 'briefing session' you first make a decision and let other people know about it even if they like it or hate it and there is no need for consultation or a stamp of approval.

Mansion,

I personally don't believe that people who marry, do it just for sex. There are quite a lot options to keep that desire under control. So when people marry for something more than sex, then in my view they are just being stupid. Live singly, you will be at the top of the world... :)

THanks lonely_gurl for agreeing. :)

khaobadi, how 'bout your 'weapon of a-ss destruction' on the first night?

yes.. that was a good one.

chances of divorce is higher among love marriages than arranged marriages .. it is a fact. Look at the western culture and ours and see where it is higher. Psychology plays a major role in divorce... those who have arranged marriage are better prepared for marriage for the worst than those in love.

Here's an article i found in the sajha writer's guild :

Marriage, commitment phobia, and freedom mania

Author: Deepak Bhandari, September 20, 2004
Freedom perhaps is the most wonderful thing in this world. Who doesn’t cherish freedom? Sometimes, a sense of freedom can be felt even in the aftermath of a disaster or an emotional ordeal. A sense of freedom emanating out of worst of situations can hold as much significance, if not more, than the one out of normal circumstances. Freedom may come from smallest of things. But, the freedom I am talking about is the one from commitment. Ask bachelors why they‘re still single, you’ll probably be blessed with an hour-long, non-stop speech on the beauty of freedom, which, according to them, is taken away by marriage and commitment.

Of course, anything that can bring us joy is also capable of bringing us sorrow. If there is happiness, there is also a fear of losing that very happiness. It’s that inherent feeling of cautious optimism that downplays the best of moments. Why are some people so afraid of commitments? Is it because they run blindly after freedom? One might sacrifice some freedom by making a lifetime commitment. But, that very sense of loss is compensated for by commitment itself. When it comes to getting married, some of my single friends get really scared. It is not because they are against the whole idea of marriage nor is it because they don’t want the warmth of heavenly relationship. It’s the ‘life-long commitment’ part of the conversation that scares the hell out of them. I remember I used to feel the same when I was single. May be It was the fear of unknown—an unknown, that I was not officially trained to handle.

It is wonderful to be married. After experiencing all the happiness marriage can bring to a single person’s life, I now feel stupid for not exploring this joy a few years earlier. It takes time for us to realize what we’re missing out and when realization sets in, we find ourselves in a tug-of-war between ‘time’ and ‘options’. Craze for freedom (from what?), perhaps a false sense of vanity of being free, or a fear of commitment (another name for cowardice) eats up all the extra happiness one could’ve enjoyed, had s/he gotten married a few years sooner.


Single people usually have a laundry list of ‘goals-to-achieve’ before getting married. They say they are not ready yet. That’s because they perceive marriage to be too disruptive and destructive that it hinders all the developments and achievements in their lives. They believe that those goals can never be achieved after marriage. They often think they are so right about it. I was no exception. My friend Bishnu and his wife made the match between me and my wife. I was fascinated by their story of making our match. They said they felt a kind of satisfaction after bringing our two souls together. In pursuit of a similar noble cause, I happened to make a match between two friends. Bishnu was right. It was a beautiful feeling that comes after some great achievement. Making matches is a serious challenge, which may become addictive at times. An idea of running a matchmaking website came to my mind. I and my friend Vijay immediately started a matchmaking website. As free ‘e-Lamis’, we have our own challenges. But the feeling of being virtual matchmakers with the global reach is simply great. Since we started the website, Bishnu is left without a shred of doubt that I am addicted to matchmaking.

It is true that marriage is an important decision, which commands a careful thinking and a serious planning. Emotional, financial, social, personal, professional, and many other factors play a very crucial role in its success. Marriage is meant to bind two souls together and bring good things to lives. Not every couple is equally lucky. So, it is also possible that it brings some ‘not-so-good’ things to some people’s lives. A single person can always have some valid and strong personal reasons for delaying, postponing, or opposing this heavenly decision. But commitment phobia and freedom mania are just quick and weak excuses one can think of.

To all my single friends: gather some courage today to think about falling in love, making some life-long commitments, and getting married before it’s too late. No angel will come to your dream and tell you that ‘now is your turn to get married’. That was just a fairy tale your grandma told you to put you to sleep when you were a little kid. The most important thing is about seeing and seizing the right moment on your own. It is all about holding those hands and feeling that magic. Good luck!




and here's the link: http://guild.sajha.com/guild/read.cfm?guildid=9

yup magdadela
coz your love is already used up when u're in a relationship.all that remains is complains after marriage.tis a pity,love marriage ends in tragedy.

Compromise + commitment=recipe of a long lasting relationship

I do agree with MAGDADELA to a great degree.

By nature love marriages are just another eposide in most of the romatic relationships hugely motivated by (or built upon)sweet fantacies (or the desires of such) with very high expectations of realizing those fantacies. When those expections are not met the marriage itself cannot bear the burnt of such dissapointments. Divorce usally becomes the means to console such dissapointment.

Arranged marriage usually does not begin with huge expectations in the first place so there is a much greater chances that the dissapointment will be fairly low therefore there is a far greater odds that it will survive the bumpy rides along the way.

What determines the length of duration a marriage lasts?

Find out the outcome of our simple research...We found that wealth has little to do with couples being together for long while kids played a strong role in keeping them together.

visit: http://dreamnepal.wordpress.com

One of my friends had this arrange marriage. We had provided him all the stuffs he needed and some lolly pops. Next day he came to us and thanked us for the lollypop. He said that was the initiator.

Guys! always keep lollypop with u...:-)>